The Men's Stories

Name:  Phenias Kamanga

District: NAMWALA, Southern Province

Age:  23

Marital Status: Married with 2 daughters and a boy.

For close to four years, I used to beat my wife. We fought a lot most probably because we both used to abused alcohol. We fought about ridiculous things like us suspicion and jealous issues. We didn’t respect nor trust each other. There was a time when we fought the whole night because my wife wanted to grab my phone and call all numbers in my phonebook. It’s shameful.

Joining the I Care About Her! Campaign discussion group has changed my life especially how I interact with women in my life. From the discussions, I am learning how to manage my temper and avoid fighting with my wife. I used to lose my temper over small arguments but now I am able to hold my temper, every time am provoked. I have learnt to listen and not rush into beating my wife. 

The discussions with other men in the I Care About Her Men’s Group are engaging and address real issues. They have helped me understand that there is no justification for fighting and that women have rights and feelings just like men. 

Two years ago, a close friend here in Namwala was sentenced to prison for killing a wife over the type of food she had cooked. This incident really shook me up and was one of the reasons I sort to join the men’s discussion group. 

I know that had I not join the I Care About Her! Campaign, I would probably be in prison right now. I am so thankful for this campaign and that it has been rolled out in this district. The initiative is good because it has generated an interesting debate among men in this community on the rights of our wives and daughters.

Name:  Crazy Shipopa

District: NAMWALA, Southern Province

Age:  61

Marital Status: Married with 5 daughters and a boy.

I am trained champion of the I Care About Her campaign. My past is very colorful – just very bad. I am ashamed to confess that I used to beat my wife and my children. It got so bad that at one time, my in laws demanded that we break up as a result of my cruelty. Luckily for me, the elders in our village counseled me and the matter was resolved. 

To me, the introduction of the I Care About Her Discussion Group in Namwala was a timely intervention. When I heard about the campaign, I asked the Facilitator of the group if I could join and he welcomed me. I feel privileged to be one of the first ones to be trained as a Champion. 

The training helped me to start reflecting on the image I had about women – what I have been taught and what I believed. It took me about three days of introspection and gradually, I begun to see to o see myself for what I was - not just a cruel man but a cruel human being. 

The training changed me. Having the discussions with other men, the messages on the cards and learning from men who don’t beat their wives helped me a lot. I felt different like I was reborn. The training helped me understand that my wife and women in general are just as important as I am. I wouldn’t want my daughters abused by their husbands the way I was abusing their mother. 

When the training ended, I decided to start teaching other men about what I learnt. I have my own group. When I began talking to my group members, I used to feel embarrassed and guilty especially that some of the members in my focus group are close friends who knew my past but I persevered. 

One day, my wife came across the I Care About Her discussion cards and asked me what they were meant for. When I started explaining to her, her face brightened up and her eyes filled with tears of joy. Today, my lifestyle and home has really changed – we are very happy and it gives me great joy hear my children laughing. My wife and I give our children equal responsibilities and make plans together –like the monthly budget. When one of our children was ill, I took her to the hospital. I never used to do that – I would leave that to my wife. I have made my wife my companion not my property. Had it not been for the knowledge I got from the I Care About Her training, I would not be the man I am today – the man I have started to like and respect.   

  

Name:  JOHN JAMBA

District: NAMWALA, Southern Province

Age:  61

Marital Status: Married with 6 children and 5 grandchildren.

I joined the I Care About Her! Campaign last year after being introduced to the men’s discussion group by a friend because gender based violence is rife in my community and it is a vice that has been growing but has not been dealt with effectively. I have witnessed so many killings and family breakups as result of GBV. This is one of the reasons I was compelled to be part of this initiative when it was introduced in Namwala. I felt that I needed to play a role in creating a better society for my grandchildren and the generation to come as a man. 

This district has  a lot of perpetrators of GBV and traditional beliefs such as lobola (bride price) perpetuate it. We, the ILA people believe in huge payment of lobola and this make us men to regard our wives as our possessions. We need a lot of sensitization especially in the far flung places in Namwala district and surrounding villages. A lot of bad acts are happening and they are supported by the community as part of their way of life. 

In this part of Namwala, the I Care About Her! Campaign has started to open up our minds. The discussions in the men’s group allow for a deeper understanding of women’s rights and our role as men and boys. Today, members of the discussion group are not involved in beating their spouses because they are not only held accountable but also understand that there better ways of resolving conflict. In fact, men who are not even part of our discussions come to consult us on how to handle issues in their homes or community. 

However, this is not the case in far flung villages. That’s why we need more support so that we can plant one or two champions in each village.I remember when we just started the discussions, most men our community used to look down on us. They discouraged us from attending the meetings which were held on a weekly basis. But I my commitment to ensure that my daughters and grandchildren have a violent free future motive me to continue learning. 

This campaign is special and life changing because men are finally involved in what is has always been perceived as women’s issues. This programme has the right message and we intend to take this message to all the men and boys in the district.